Dragons greetings: Playoffs begin!

(Here's the weekly team greeting. I am tempted to embed the videos but I'll leave the links as is. But oh my are they foul-mouthed fun.)

My Fellow Dragons:

Playoffs my friends. The playoffs. And it's not "thuh" playoffs -- it is "Thee" Friggin' Playoffs!!

Statistically the Toronto Maple Leafs might make it, but we are already there!

"I think you're the greatest, but my dad says you don't work hard enough on defense. And he says that lots of times, you don't even run down court. And that you don't really try... except during the playoffs."

This is when we separate the men from the boys, the wheat from the chaff, and the carpets from the drapes.

"If you want to have victory, you have to grab it by its haunches and you gotta hump it into submission!"

This is the "Do or Die" of the playoffs. There is no room for doubt, uncertainty or hair tinting products because it is time to show our true colours. Time to get down, get dirty and get funky!

Ahhhh DAMNIT! Blew it. Had it right there, in my sights, within my grasp and I friggin' blew it. We should not get "funky". We should get down, dirty and DANGEROUS. See? -- That would have worked. DamnitAllToHell. It was right friggin' there! "Funky"?!? Like what the hell!?! Wrong damn word.

(Oh!! I gotta tell you this...

On the plane ride back from Mexico I watched three episodes of "The Thick of It". I don't know if you're familiar with the show but it's British and political and just really, really good. Oh and it is ear bleedingly vulgar with its language.

And, yeah-okay, as we all know I have a fairly loud and incredibly unselfconscious laugh. Now, multiply that howling King of the Banshees laugh by a factor of "Oh my god he's wearing really good noise reduction headphones!" Okay, got it...?

Now, picture the looks of horror and shock I glimpsed as I was DYING with laughter as I watched the show and other passengers are watching "The Social Network" and "The Kids Are Alright" so they can vote in their Academy Awards office pool and claim they saw the film but didn't think it was all that great and oh yeah You Saw It On A Friggin' Airplane So It Really Doesn't Count As A True Film Experience Does It Now and while they're doing that I'm watching the most funniest most rudest most vulgarest tv show in history, a show that makes "Deadwood" and Quentin Tarantino look like "Gone with the Wind" and Jane Austen in comparison.

So I'm watching "The Thick of It" but I'm noticing my fellow passengers staring at me and so I decide to be somewhat courteous and resolve that I should try to perhaps maybe kinda hold in my laughter a tiny bit.

And so I try, honest to god, I try not to laugh aloud, but as I do so I find myself shaking so hard with the laughter that I'm trying to self-contain that it's almost like I'm having a seizure. I am laughing so hard and trying so hard to keep it On The Inside that it must look like I'm having convulsions. And at this point I'm expecting the stewardess to come running down the aisle and give me a stick to put between my teeth so I don't bite my tongue off as she cuts into my leg and sucks out the snake venom that is obviously causing these convulsions -- that is how hard I'm laughing.

And I would love, simply luv, to share some of the bits from the show with you, but I realize some of you might be reading this at work, so for a taste go here for Tucker's Law...

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=malcolm%20tucker

And, yes, if you dare you can go here too...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULrsPgAToBU&feature=related

But let me once again warn you that it is foul. And not like 'Daffy Duck fowl' but foul like 'George Carlin is sitting up in his grave and applauding cuz it's so foul' foul. There is a tremendous use of the "c-word" and I do not mean Christmas or Chlamydia.

You have been warned.)

DRAGONS!

We are up against the Bulls who you guys friggin' Ka-Rushed on February 13th. I have it on good authority that they then spent the entirety of the next day searching through Facebook for old girlfriends who they would then desperately attempt to contact in order to find out if they ever thought of them, if they still thought they were special, to just kinda ask what went wrong and maybe just maybe they'd like to get together for a drink so they could, yknow, just talk.

Gentlemen, you friggin' massacred their Valentine's Day and made each and every one of them courier teddy bears across the country to each and every woman they had ever hurt, offended or led astray and you made them BEG for their forgiveness. It was a 12 Step Program of romantic atonement and emotional devastation that you forced upon them!

And because of that, this Sunday they are going to be very dangerous.

So, be prepared for a game where these guys are gonna be pissed and angry and are going to be looking for a 50% discount on their post-Valentine's Day candybox of revenge. Therefore allow us to frustrate #11, 13 and especially #33 and grant them the opportunity to make stupid mistakes and take dumb penalties. Let us give them the opportunity to turn against one another like rabid guinea pigs as they fight over the table scraps of vegetable produce that we cast down to them. Let us watch as they squeal and bicker and, ultimately, lose.

Let us, in short, take them down to Funkytown.

I look forward to seeing you on Sunday.

Get ready for the playoffs,
Kevin.