Harper the Anti Super Warrior

So, like many a fine Canadians, I was watching hockey last night when Stephen Harper invaded my living room.

(Which is not to suggest that watching hockey is what makes us Canadian -- it's not like a citizenship test or a proof of nationality -- but it is something that a lot of Canadians do)

During the game there was a minute long commercial for the Conservative party. Not a short, snippy & snarky ad, but instead an epic 60 second montage that describes the character of our glorious nation.

So this was not the usual "Oh that Michael Ignatieff is a rotten guy, he's not here for you and he's going to raise taxes" ad. No, the purpose of this long advertisement was to inform all the fine hockey-watching folk of what it means to be Canadian.

During the sixty seconds there are many beautiful and supposedly inspirational images of both Canada and Stephen Harper -- all accompanied with some very serious narration by Mr. Harper himself. It starts with the statement "Canada is, and always has been, our country" (and, no, I'm not sure what that statement is supposed to suggest to all of the voting immigrants that the party wants to woo, but let's not get ahead of ourselves) and the commercial then continues like this...



I've watched the video a handful of times since that initial viewing and tugging & unraveling its structure has been a fascinating exercise.

For instance, it's interesting to note that Stephen Harper doesn't make an appearance until the 21 second mark, which is approximately one-third of the way into the ad. Until that point it's only his narration that indicates who and what the commercial is about. Up until that point it's merely been images of Canada, its people and its countryside. It could be a beer ad or a car commercial were it not for the voice of Mr. Harper.

Preceding Stephen Harper's arrival there are images of a hockey game, a Canadian Olympic athlete carrying a torch, and a vintage video of Canadian soldiers -- all of them being employed as a montage immediately before Mr. Harper makes his debut.

(And please note that while most of the commercial is in glorious high-def quality, the hockey teams are kept purposely grainy -- that way there is no risk of insulting any potential voters who might favour a certain hometown team or, be it an international game, risk offending anyone who had a previous native land before their current Native Land.)

Hockey players, olympic athletes, soldiers, Stephen Harper: All accompanied by our current Prime Minister intoning "That's why we're here, that's why we strive, that's why we serve."

It's during the "That's why we serve" statement that we see Harper walk down a hallway and figuratively walk into the video.

And, just in case the viewer wasn't hit over the head strongly enough with his first appearance and the juxtaposition of images, at the 36 second mark he again walks into the video, with his self-narration stating "By turns, a courageous warrior and a compassionate neighbour."

Oh, of course the phrase "By turns, a courageous warrior and a compassionate neighbour" is supposedly part of the on-going narration that is being used to describe Canada -- but at that point any semblance of credibility goes out the window, is kicked to the curb and is then beaten to a pulp.

As I was watched this ad during the hockey game, it was the fact that Harper associated himself with the phrase "courageous warrior" that made me lose it.

I expect arrogance in politicians, but it is always in their best interest to maintain a sense of humility, a pretense of modesty and the illusion that they are just 'one of the guys'.

Harper tosses aside all of that pandering Average Joe mumbo-jumbo with this commercial. Instead, he is a warrior! He is a politician of blinding brilliance and amazing abilities! He is an inspirational action star spurring his troops into battle! He is Superman, Batman and The Mighty Thor all rolled into one! If south of the border they have Captain America, we have Stephen Harper!

He's not a politician. He is our savior.

And at that point and with that realization, the commercial then became something more then a mere political endorsement. At that point, it became propaganda of an uncomfortable and disconcerting nature.

Had I been drinking a beer, I would have hurled the bottle at the television set.

Except that would have meant wasting beer -- which is something that no Canadian should ever do. And it is our love of beer, maple syrup and, most important of all, humility that are among the few things the advertisement does not display.

Stuck In My Head

There must be some reason, some scientific explanation, as to why it happens. Last week it was Paul Simon's "Something So Right" and not even "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap" by AC/DC could knock it down. And today it's "Que Sera Sera". It might even be sung by Doris Day. In my head -- somehow I've got Doris Day stuck in my head. Because once it worms its way into my mind it seems to really, really be stuck in their. One would think that AC/DC blaring from a bar as I walked by would be enough to kick the shit out of Paul Simon. It wasn't even as if I'd been listening to Rhymin' Simon that morning -- but somehow he won when put up against the much more anthematic band from down under. I've had "Que Sera Sera" stuck in my head before. It's not a bad thing. But it is kind of strange considering I don't own the song (honest I don't!!!!). Yet, somehow, there it is firmly wedged in for the duration. I wonder if AC/DC could kick the crap out of Doris Day. They couldn't win against Paul Simon. I wonder if they even want to try because I imagine that defeat would be very, very humiliating.

Beating a bully

So Zed told this story and came up with a great idea as we were wandering through the supermarket.

His story went like this...

Imagine that a bully is bothering you, but he's lactose intolerant, so you stop him from being mean by using a can of spray cheese!

"Keep that can of spray cheese away from me!" screams the bully.

"Heh-heh-heh," replies my son.

Such is the mind of my eight year old boy.